I showed him my bush... on skype.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
