loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
