watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Pooping to opera.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
