I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Boobs speak an international language.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
