I am puke
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
