I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
