***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
