Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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