i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
