New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
