His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
