Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
