What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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