i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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