I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
