I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
