The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
