Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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