Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
