im drinking this country out of the recession.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
