Im at strip club and am horny
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
