I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i think we sleep fucked last night...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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