I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
