i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
