where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ugly people sure do ruin things
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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