So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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