I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
