I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
