well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
