I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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