I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
