I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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