Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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