my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
