i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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