i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
