but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
