Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
