fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
