Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
