sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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