So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
