Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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