No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
