Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
