one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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