we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
