Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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