I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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