this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize