Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
