Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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