Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
