Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
