you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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