I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize