I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
