I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
