watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
