Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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