I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
