Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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