I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
