Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
