dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
