chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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