Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
