I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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